He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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