How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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