I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
