Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
how does that bad decision feel?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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