god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
