R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
