He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
