Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
