so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
