well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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