My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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