my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
