He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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