I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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