I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
