for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
two words...techno handjob
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
