I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
