he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize