My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
