no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
