How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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