I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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