Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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