oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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