I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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