A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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