did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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