I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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