a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
