12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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