What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
