yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
