i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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