aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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