Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
