I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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