Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
