The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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