Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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