even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
