Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
