my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
