I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You are a genius and a whore.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
