I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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