:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
