You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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