No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
