it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
