I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
