Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
