I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
