Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
