Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
