Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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