Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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