Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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