roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
