Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
