just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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