You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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