Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
