I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
