Are we in a gay sports bar?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
