He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
