goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
