you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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