Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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