I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
