he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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