wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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